seems like a minute ago...

Today, as I sat waiting for Jocilyn after school, I started feeling a little lost. I called my mom, she can usually "find" me. However, today she and dad had just arrived in Indianapolis, IN and were looking for a place to live while on this mission- I quickly let her off the phone, because as everyone knows, Slade's frequently need more navigation than others in strange new places!!! (lots of great memories of being lost in "downtown" (that is to be said with a heavy Asian accent) lost in DC, Boston, Philly, Kansas City... you name it, we've found the ghetto of it!!) ..... (that section had entirely too many parenthesis... I do not follow the normal rules of grammar... in case you're "new" to me... ;-)) ... see? there I went again, whoops....

Anyway, so my mom was not going to be able to help me find myself this time... so as I continued to sit, I thought, "I feel quite isolated.... kind of alone... and really quite sad... why?" So I began to count my blessings, and the first one was that I am at least "isolated" with my husband and kids... so I sent Matthew a text simply saying, "I'm so glad you are here with me..." He very quickly called back and asked who was "there" with me (hahaha!) I just explained to him that there is no way I could be here, so far from family, without him. ... He pointed out that he is the reason that I am here in the first place- he was not following my "lostness."

It seems like yesterday that Matthew came home from work and asked me, "Hypothetically speaking, what do you think about Southern California?" I thought for a moment and told him that it was a lovely place to visit. Quickly he told me that he just wondered what I would say, it just so happened that the Director of the Burbank center was stepping down... hmmm... I then told him, "I'm sure if you expressed an interest in the position they would take you in an instant!" He said, "Naw..."

2 days later he came home and asked if I remembered what I'd said about the position being his if he wanted it... and now, here we are, living in Valencia, California... We fasted about it, and prayed about it..... we came out here at least 4-6 times looking for housing and finding the area we felt "right" about. In the whole transition there were 2 things that were in our every prayer: 1- please lead us to the right ward..... 2- please help us "land" in the right school ...

Prayers are answered. We are in such a great ward. I don't know if it is because we are having to "put ourselves out there" a little bit more since we have no other family out here... or if the ward is just that amazing (I think it's a combination of the two)... and the school is terriffic. McKenna is in 1st grade and I adore her teacher. I know I've posted about that before, but I am ever grateful for good teachers for my kids.

There have been a few decisions in my life where my mom "warned" me that I would need to know that I'd received an answer from Heavenly Father so that in difficult times I could look back and say, "I am where I need to be... He led me here in answer to prayer..." This is one of those times.

I feel this entry is quite scatter-brained- but we had a great holiday season. It started with Lynn and Jake coming out for the week of Halloween... we were able to spend some great time with them and loved every minute that they were here. We knew that in November we would see the Chesleys... and we did!! They came and stayed with us for about a week. We all cozied in to our 3 bedroom apt and had ourselves a right good time!!! I loved every minute- at their parting I felt eased by my knowledge that I would see them and my parents in December when we would travel back to Idaho for Christmas.... which we did. Again, the time was full of family and friends, Marie Rich even made an appearance for several days!!! It was wonderful and I should have "soaked up" more of it... because I'm already "out" and I miss my family. I think I could handle all of those other times because I had an idea of when I'd see one, or all, of them again... this time I do not know when I'll see them again. Mom and dad, are of course, gone for a year on their 2nd mission- I'm so proud of them- but I miss them and am selfish in that i want them here for me.....I am a selfish girl.

I'm a girl... no, I think I have to say that I am a woman. Although that is the strangest concept to me... I will be 37 this month... 37... I sure thought I would have it "together" by now! ... but I do not. I still think to myself, "someday, when I grow up, I'll __________, or I'll have __________, or I'll do ___________, or I'll know _________.... or at the very least I'll be better about ___________. Well, 37 is here... and I'm not, I don't, I can't, and I still need to ________________ better, more often, less selfishly, more diligently, etc, etc...... I don't know when a person ever figures out life, if one who reads this has done it, please, comment... I'd love to know what you know! But until then, I'm going to end my rantings for the night and let you stop (if you haven't already) looking for the point to this whole entry.

But to first finish what I started... it seems like only a minute ago that:
-I chased after my brother wielding a jump rope... hoping to land one good shot...
-I turned my little blonde sister's hair green... I don't even remember what we were going for!
-I babysat for the Pickup's and watched "Hunter" on TV every Friday night, followed by Cheers
if they were late...
-I stepped on my first airplane, it was PSA, and I was traveling with my Grandma Coy and
Grandpa Cub to San Francisco to see my Aunt Kathy and her family...
-I bought my first car
- wrecked my first car (actually those are in reverse order, I wrecked the car mom and dad gave
me and so I HAD to buy the next one!
-I could eat like crud, and not have it permanently affix itself to my body...
-I married my sweetheart
- I had my first child
-I had my 2nd child
-I lost my first child
-We decided to leave AZ for ID with great ambition to start our own business (w/ Travis & Marie)
-We were real "up-and-comers" in the fencing biz... go big, or don't go.....
-We went big
-I lost my 2nd child
-We lost big in business when we weren't paid for work we'd done...
-My in-laws lived with us for a year...
-I had my 3rd child, my 3rd of 3 beautiful girls, wonderful blessings, great responsibilities
-Matthew asked me what I thought of So. Cal...
-i judged women for being a g-5/p-2 ... why wouldn't they "want" the other 2? why weren't
they careful... I was so naive...
-I passed the N-CLEX and became an RN... it's just now 15 years... I never would've imagined
-my babies were all babies... still cooing, and nursing... still learning that their fingers and toes
belonged to them... still sleeping close to my heart in my bed...
- so many things seem like just a minute ago... a million of them have run through my mind since I started writing this entry... "just a minute ago..."