Infor-maesyn overload (cont'd)

Chronologically speaking, these are in reverse order. About 2 weeks ago, Maesyn would only wear one sock. It was either purple w/ stripes, or this pink one with stripes (the purple one was on the opposite foot all day Saturday) Then Sunday came and she actually went to church this way! When Matthew picked her up from nursery, they were like, "ummmm, we think she only had one sock to begin with." Little funny girl!

This was our first trip to the beach out here. We are about an hour from Ventura Beach, which was nice and we really had a great family day out there. Maesyn just loved being able to walk around, tear down sand castles, dig holes, and just chill- as you see here! This was in August 2010.

Here she is, our own demolition crew...

Shoulda brought a book, I bet that's what she's thinking...

Maesyn LOVES her bath! She would bathe 20 times a day if I let her. I had to coerce her out of the tub, and then she sat in this basket for another ever.....

Anytime I'm in the bathroom, for whatever reason, to use it, to put make up on, to do my hair, whatever.... she comes in with me and does this. She just likes to be in the tub.

Here she's heading to the school to pick up Kenna. We're in CA now, she has to fit in, right?

Our furniture arrived about a week after we did. So there was lots of room to run and play. Here the girls are off to school (sometime in the first week) and they are standing in the dining room... Maesyn just loves to be with her sisters, no matter what they are doing... she wants to be just like them- hope they set a good example for the little squirt!

This is indeed the very first day of school. I don't think Mae had any inkling that she was going to be left alone all day with mom. She scrunches her little face like this a lot! So this pic was taken Aug. 12, 2010

I believe this was a day or two before we "pulled out" of Idaho. We had left our house and stayed the last couple-three nights at my parents (they were in Sweden- so we had the run of the place) Aunt Marie came over and gave the moochie a squish!

This was the Sunday before we left Idaho. We went over to some friends house, Holly and Troy Behunin (sp?) for enchiladas. It was a yummy dinner and fun "hang out" before we said our, "see ya laters!" Maesyn actually got that swing going fairly well once we gave her a start, it was impressive.

Okay, this one is back in Idaho, at the Havencrest house. We thought she was so cute playing on the computer... we realized it wasn't very cute when we found a virus. The kid is a genius- she downloaded a virus. It had been left open in YouTube and so who knows what she clicked on, but we had a computer friend take a look and he said it was a real doozy. Luckily, Matthew was able to repair it after several days and much hair pulling... we keep the keyboard away from her as much as possible these days!!! So that was probably June/July 2010.

Here's Grandma Dianne!!! Marie and I drove the Rhino in the little Star parade. The bigger kids rode in or on it and threw candy. Dallin and Maesyn watched w/ GM and watched... love that Grandma!

This was again in Idaho (I can tell that just from the remote she's holding! We don't have any cable or satellite service here in CA) This is just such a typical Maesyn pose... it had to be added!!

Laundry anyone? She discovered the dryer... and isn't that fun? I miss MY dryer... I miss my washer, and my fridge!!! Renting an apartment isn't bad, but I miss my nicer appliances- what a spoiled whiner am I? ...sorry.

Havencrest house stairs. All of the girls just sitting and chillin' not exactly certain when it was, but I do know it was summer 2010.

McKenna got a little swimming pool for her birthday. We played in it several days through the summer and the kids loved it! Here I think she had just slipped and fallen into the water and the look on her face says, "whoa! that's cold!!"

Before we ever filled the pool the girls had a blast with it inside the house. I have fun pictures of them cannon-balling in- caught in mid air (fully clothed, mind you) they sat on the outer rings and bounced on the airy cushions, and they trapped Maesyn in like a burrito several times- who knew a pool could be so much fun inside? I didn't, but it was so fun to watch my little cuties!!

When Maesyn is tired, she's just tired. I love that she sleeps with this blanket- it was mine as a baby and I still love the texture and warmth of it. I've patched up tears and repaired the ruffle, and she loves her blanket. She actually loves almost any blanket if she's in the mood... two ways to tell she's tired, she plays with her hair, and she lays down her head where ever she is!

She calls her pacifier a "beep," which we love around here. I know it is time to take it away, I know it is... here she is probably about 18 mos old, I always ask her to take out her beep for pictures, but she won't... you can see the silicone stretching here as Matthew trys to pry it from her mouth... she's probably going to be the only college student w/ a beep... my bad...

I may have posted this picture before... not sure, maybe that was on Face Book.. who knows... anyway, this was her most favorite drawer in the Havencrest kitchen... she loved to empty it's contents and crawl in... such a funny monkey. There was also a cupboard that she liked to hide in as well. I had drawers and cupboards that I did not use in both houses in Star... she'd be hard pressed to fit into anything like that here in the apartment! They're all occupied to the brim!

I just loved this outfit. And I think this was the only day that she left the headband alone!!! She's about 15 months here and just a happy baby who loves life.

She also adores her sisters, as I've mentioned. I had just been video taping the three of them dancing around like crazies before I took this still shot. I love that my kids get along with one another (most of the time) I sure hope that carries through teenage years... I know it's wishful thinking, but this world is so messed up, they would do well to remain allies and friends- at least they would know that's one thing they could count on to be true (friend wise)... we'll see.

Genius, I tell you, pure genius!! She later ripped both arms off that pair of glasses... I really need to go get new ones, I'm down to one

pair that I guard with my life!!!

My mom had a RS function that required balloons- so Maesyn went with me to pick them up and deliver them- to this day, she LOVES "Boons"... so she was excited when leftover balloons came to our house. I thought I'd downloaded a pic of her carrying them outside, it's a darling pic, but instead I ended up with two of these- oh well- these stayed afloat for many, many days- I don't know what Albertson's did to them, but they were like super-fied "boons"... I finally had to kill them... but she was such a joy to watch when she played with them. Actually, at that time she called them "balls." So she was always asking for balls from the ceiling! NOW she calls them boons...

Well, dang... I know uploaded pics of her first b-day and from even before that...I don't know where they went... this is why I stopped blogging- it is so frustrating with the pics!!! Anyway- at least here are some newer ones of Maesyn, she'll be 2 next week whether we like it or not... and for the record, I do NOT like it, not one tiny bit...

Meet Maesyn

This is a work in progress... twice now the other photos have "failed to download... " But at least here are a few pics I don't think I've yet shared!

I think the top one was Winter 09', she wasn't quite walking.

The 2nd one, was late summer 09'... she was a busy, happy girl!

This one was taken in Aug of 09'. I know this because we were at a family reunion, when Matthew had to bring me into "town" (Mountain Home) for the worst UTI ever!!! and she came with us. My dad always got such a kick out of her when she would hold her bottle with her feet... too funny.

This chub is just out of the tub! These pics are backwards chronologically. Here I'd say was probably summer 09'

This one was May of 09' getting ready for a twirling competition... lol....

And this was her Easter dress in April of 09'

The following script was meant to go at the top of this post... it didn't end up quite like that... oh well, it's midnight and i'm pooped.... more later.

Now, I know that you know she is here. I know that you know her name. I know that you have, no doubt, heard stories about her. But I have not been good about blogging for the last 24 months! That's right folks... she will be 2 in 4 days! ... and I'm mourning it so... (not so much as to have another, don't get crazy) But this is very hard for me! So, here are going to be a ton of pics of this girl, our little "mossy poppet," our "moochie," the "mae-berry," or, the girls call her "Pooka," and she turns back to them and says, "hi, Pooka." She is darling. She has brought a spirit into our home, and a real joy... oh, and she is the most spoiled child you'll ever meet! She gets anything she wants, if she's crying, I say to the kids, "what does she want? Give it to her, stop the crying"... this kid could get away with murder... and probably will, but she'll have to be sure not to leave her "beep" (pacifier) at the scene or she'll be busted... I'm going to try and pull in a smattering of pictures from the last 2 years- there are a lot on the other computer that isn't set up, so we'll see how we do off of this one. I don't know if you read my "worst mom ever" post (hopefully most of ya'll skipped that one) but this child has not had an actual, professional photo taken since she was a newborn in her blessing dress... I know, bad mommy... I get it, I know it... I'm sorry for it... but here are a few I could find... enjoy the mooch...

I'm the best!

... at being worst! i so feel like a failure today. You know the picture of the defeated knight, his lance all bent and broken, with a caption that says, "Some days the dragon wins..." Well, today the dragon kicked my *&&... and when he was through with me, I continued to wallow in a pool of hot, sticky, gooey, quick-sand of self loathing... I'm good at this- extraordinarily good at this, if I can toot my horn a little bit, here's where there'd be a big ol' HHHOOOOONNNNNKKK! I SUCK!!! okay, end rant on self loathing and dismal failure in all areas of life today.... tomorrow is another day, and it will go better... it has to, doesn't it? Oh, please say it does...

I so enjoy reading other blogs. They make me laugh, cry, giggle, clap, etc. Sometimes they are the inspiration I need to be better, to try something different, just to go and do and do and do, and not stop doing... but tonight I read one and thought, "k, that's it... I am officially the worlds worst mom... ever... "

Continuing on with this self pitty and whoa is me-ness... can I tell you about my emotional constipation issue? There is no "cry-a tive" like there are laxatives... I need a good cry! I need to bellow and snort, choke and sob, I need to have a bone rattling, sore the next day, can't breathe through my nose, bloodshot eyes, not sure you'll ever run out of tears, sob fest... "Why would anyone want to have one of those?" you ask? Clearly you've never experienced the catharsis that comes at the end of said sob... that's what I need my friend, that cathartic cry, where at the end of it all you sleep and then wake feeling awful, with that post cry headache, and yet, somehow renewed and ready to rise up and try again... my cryer is broke.... I teared up a plenty today, but no cry...

I'm a mean mom. I've officially threatened to cancel Christmas if my kids do not keep their room clean for the next 2 weeks.... is that bad? I'd have to follow through, right? I mean, I told them that we'd just pack up and head to Idaho and see what everyone else got and be happy for them that they got Christmas... and then remember to keep our rooms clean so that we can have it next year.... harsh? kinda...

I think today was just a culmination of that "I'm the mom who is every ones maid, doctor, nurse, cook, launderer, cleaner, wiper, washer, shopper, etc, etc..." you get it, you no doubt have days when you feel it! I know I'm not alone here, but I feel completely deflated tonight. I let my kids beat me... and then I turned around (because I'm bigger, and I'm suppose to be the boss) and I was mean, and yelly, and grumpy, and a bit cutting- that's when I really dislike my quick and biting wit... it is never Christlike... and it is the worst thing I can allow myself to do to my kids... to say mean things- they are too important for me to do that...

Alas, today is over. Tomorrow is a new day. It is another day that I get to spend in its entirety with my kids- they are off school. I hope that there will be giggles, and games, cuddling and shopping, helping and kindness... and mutual respect... it will be a better day, I will make it so, and then I won't feel quite so broken... I hope.

Jocilyn in 2009

So, I've been totally lame with my blogging... there have been many changes. A lot of growth, my baby will be 2 next month and I don't think she's been blogged on since babyhood... But this one is about my oldest baby, my Jocilyn.

Jocilyn turned 8 on July 15, 2009. She was baptized on Aug. 1, 2009. Here is a pic from the evening, same day as the baptism, sitting at urgent care because she had an ear infection! ... Smiling little trooper!

Very proud parents of this beautiful young lady who has a real desire to do right.

She even made her daddy cry, okay, choke up on that day... her daddy has to love someone a lot to get choked up over them! She is that neat!

Here are the girls in the Fall of 09' this was either the first day of school, or picture day... these two are so great together!

Jocilyn,

Dad and I are proud of you and your desires to do great things and to choose the right. You are a wonderful blessing in our family. There are times when being good is hard, there will be lots of times like that, and times when you might be confused about what to do or how to act, you can always come to mom and dad, we love you, Heavenly Father sent you to us because He trusts us to teach you about him. The day of your baptism, you promised to keep the commandments and to always do the things that Jesus would be happy about. I know you will take things seriously. Sweet baby girl, my snuggle buddy, my girl who loves her little sisters and helps me so much at home... know that you are special. Know that you have a purpose here on earth. Know that you are in charge of how you feel, and how you treat others or react to them when they are not kind. You are a blessing, I love you, sweet girl!

oldies but goodies

There are some movies that are just good. When we moved to CA, we decided that we would no longer have satellite or cable TV. Instead we would use the computer to watch our most favoritist shows. So the laptop is hooked into our 48" flatscreen TV and we have a wireless keyboard and mouse, which act as the "remote controls." This has significantly reduced the TV viewing time of every member of the family! ... for better or worse...

Anyway- 2 of the most visited sites are Netflix and Hulu. On Netflix there are things that you can view "instantly." Well, the kids are getting bored. So, I begin to scroll through the movies, "This one is good, " I say..... "Mom, that's old." they say... and so it goes. So last night I just clicked on "Guarding Tess," I'm not even sure what it was rated (more language than I remembered, but still) and they sat and watched it and loved it. While my mom was here, Jocilyn watched, "Walk, Don't Run" with Carey Grant, and she was so funny, "this is actually a funny movie!" (*gasp* ...so surprised!)

Today we did not get anything particularly productive accomplished. However, they did watch "Housesitter," Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin... and they loved it... we quoted favorite quotes from that one for a while. And then we watched "Wild Hearts Can't be Broken," which they also loved... some movies are just good. They kept asking, "mom, what happens?" I had to tell them, "I don't really remember, it's been 20 years since I've seen it..." 20 YEARS?!?!?! geeze... who am i? and when did I become old? Of course, the other night I had a dream where someone just kept asking me in a very skeptical manner, "You're still 37? ... You're still 37?" ... that's all I remember of the dream! ... and I am not YET 37, for the record... Maybe the dream was foretelling that I would be forever "young" at 37 years... nah, I don't think so... but still, i maintain that if it was good once, it'll likely be good for always, I just have to get the kids to believe me more often!

too gone, too long

Remember the old song, "Too Gone, Too Long?" Well, it was sung by the great Randy Travis and goes on to say, "and it's too late to come back now." That's kinda how I feel about this bloggity! I've been off it for so long, I can't figure out how to change the background, or make the fonts visible, I'm in a world of hurt over here!

I remember when I got all hot and excited about this thing called a "blog." I wanted everyone to have one of their own, and I wanted a million readers to see mine (okay, not really a million, but like, a lot...) and I remember Marie saying to me, "What IS it? I don't understand what you do..." And now look at her! She's a blogging queen! She has all of her entries bound at the end of each year and is amazing! This is family history! This is a way to document the growth of our children! ... and I'm sucking at it!

I'm open to all helpful hints, ideas... heck if you have my password, feel free to break in and make the blog pretty! I can't seem to manage it! But I'll keep trying to get back in the swing of things... there are so many more options now, I'm confused..... help? anyone? hello?

"You don't know who they were..."

While my mom was here, we got to talking about parenting. I find that I yell. I'm a yeller. There are times when my kids hear me say words that I shouldn't, especially to them.... I'm not proud of this, nor do I tell you so that you can turn me in to CPS! I'm not that bad! But my mom said something that struck me, and I've been mulling it over the past couple of days. She said, "your dad brought it home for me a long time ago when he said, 'Dianne, you don't know who they were in the pre-existance. They may have been your leaders, they may be older and wiser spirits... you don't know who they were...'"

We know that Heavenly Father is sending his most choice spirits at this time, some of the strongest, most valiant spirits are being sent here in these latter days. And even if we don't think they may have been anything more special than us in the pre-existence, they are NOT ours! They are on loan to us, they've been entrusted to us, we are going to be held accountable for what we teach them, how we treat them, and many other things pertaining to them when we face our Father on the other side. I don't want to have to explain why I was yelling stupid things, or being snarky toward them because I was in a foul mood, or how my sarcasm sometimes really becomes sardonic in nature. I love my kids! I would strangle anyone else for yelling at them! I would come un-glued! Un-hinged! and all other things "un!"

So, thanks mom for reminding me that my kids are so very special. That they are to be treated with respect at all times, even in times of discipline and training. My relationship with them is so important to me, I want them to trust and respect me, not fear me for any reason. So, new goals- yell less, respect more... this is good stuff!